Wednesday, September 29, 2010

An Important Announcement From Vincent T. Christ

Ay-O motherfuckers, Vinnie's back! Did you miss me? Of course you didn't. I got a little announcement to make. I'm running for Governor of Illinois! Ay-O, how bout that? Vinnie the C's been sitting around watching this country lose its damn mind this past year and so I thought to myself, hey, its time I made a difference. I figure if all of these tea party bozos can win primaries, then surely El Vincenzo might have a chance.

Fuck, some of these people are really nuts, like the chick in Nevada who thinks fluoride in the water is a conspiracy, wants to abolish the IRS, and reinstate Prohibition. In Nevada? Lady, there ain't nothing to do in Nevada but drink, fuck, and gamble. Hell, drinking leads to fucking and gambling. Then there's that other jerk who doesn't like the Civil Rights Act. Besides, look at the other gubernatorial candidates, Bill Brady and Pat Quinn. You've got to ask yourself, how bad could Vinnie really be?

I know that no party would be crazy enough to run ol' Vinnie. First off, no one's gonna believe that I'm really the brother of the man who walks on water. That's cool. I look like an extra from Sons of Anarchy, so I get it. Plus I lean so far left, I make Barack Obama look like an Imperial Grand Wizard. So I'm running as a member of the Demonized Party. Over the next few weeks look for updates on my campaign and I'll present my platform. Your mom will like it. O!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Ever since the election of Barack Obama to the Presidency, I've watched as the country around me dissolved into a frothy stew of outrage, racism, and hatred. I guess this is nothing new, but lately it seems to have reached a level of vitriol that leaves me almost ill. All of my pride in America following the Obama election has been dashed away by the snarl of the Tea Party, the sheer idiocy of the Birthers, and the weapons grade stupid that continues to be pushed by the Far Right. At this point, I really feel like I have no country. The person I voted for sits in the office, but he is sneered at and dismissed as a Kenyan or a Muslim, despite his Christian background. No matter, I guess, as Bush was certainly handed his fair share of personal attacks while he held the office, but there's an insidiousness that surrounds the jibes leveled at Obama that I didn't see in the attacks on Bush. And there's no satisfying these assholes. When Bush was in office and I opposed his policies, I was called anti-American and told to respect the office of the President. With Obama in the office, I'm still called anti-American and a socialist. Now that Obama is in charge, it's okay to talk about overthrowing the government, and watering the tree of liberty.

Along with the smears aimed at the president, there now is a rampant anti-intellectualism present in America, personified by the likes of Christine O'Donnell, Sarah Palin, and Glen Beck. These people refuse to believe in science and scorn those who seek knowledge, dismissing them as "elitist". What's worse is that they are seeking to rewrite the history of our nation itself to create this fictional utopian theocracy that never existed. They claim that they want to take their country "back", but they want to return America to a way of life that never existed. America was never a "Christian" nation. We have been a nation with Christians in it, along with Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Wiccans, Druids, and Lord knows what else. The Founding Fathers knew the dangers of theocracy and drew the line in the sand in the First Amendment of the Constitution. "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." In other words, you're free to practice your religion, but don't force it on the rest of the country. Because this doesn't align with their view of history, they choose to ignore this part of the Constitution, as they do other parts that are inconvenient to their vision of America.

Most of all, I'm tired of how the Right has made "progressive" and "liberal" dirty words. I'm tired of seeing Democrats refuse to fight back and stand up for the principles they supposedly believe in. I don't make enough money for Republican policy to benefit me. Trickle down economics is a farce and a lie. The Tea Partiers claim to be for smaller government and individual freedoms, but only if you subscribe to their fruity religious claptrap. So fuck em all. If I can't be "progressive", "liberal", or "intellectual". then I will be "Demonized". According to these dippy assholes, I'm going to hell anyway, so screw it.

This November, make sure you get your asses out and vote and when you do, vote Demonized. Vote against any of these willfully ignorant, Bible-thumping, tax-cut promoting dickholes who refuse to recognize proven science and seek to rewrite American History. Vote Democrat if you have to, but don't let any of these turnip-brained anti-intellectuals have their way.