Wednesday, September 29, 2010

An Important Announcement From Vincent T. Christ

Ay-O motherfuckers, Vinnie's back! Did you miss me? Of course you didn't. I got a little announcement to make. I'm running for Governor of Illinois! Ay-O, how bout that? Vinnie the C's been sitting around watching this country lose its damn mind this past year and so I thought to myself, hey, its time I made a difference. I figure if all of these tea party bozos can win primaries, then surely El Vincenzo might have a chance.

Fuck, some of these people are really nuts, like the chick in Nevada who thinks fluoride in the water is a conspiracy, wants to abolish the IRS, and reinstate Prohibition. In Nevada? Lady, there ain't nothing to do in Nevada but drink, fuck, and gamble. Hell, drinking leads to fucking and gambling. Then there's that other jerk who doesn't like the Civil Rights Act. Besides, look at the other gubernatorial candidates, Bill Brady and Pat Quinn. You've got to ask yourself, how bad could Vinnie really be?

I know that no party would be crazy enough to run ol' Vinnie. First off, no one's gonna believe that I'm really the brother of the man who walks on water. That's cool. I look like an extra from Sons of Anarchy, so I get it. Plus I lean so far left, I make Barack Obama look like an Imperial Grand Wizard. So I'm running as a member of the Demonized Party. Over the next few weeks look for updates on my campaign and I'll present my platform. Your mom will like it. O!

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